Category Archives: Sensitivity

Uncover the Sun

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Dealing With Disappointment

Many people tell me that they knew something was supposed to happen, a relationship, a career opportunity, or some kind of success, and then it didn’t. And this is after they hired a coach, did self-growth work, saw a therapist, practiced every manifesting idea they could, and followed all the “right steps” toward their goal. They got education, assistance, and even looked at what might be blocking them. They were even willing to sacrifice comfort and financial stability for a time.

Not everyone makes it to the Olympics or winds up on Broadway. And sometimes the people who do aren’t even as talented or skilled as the ones who don’t. Why is this? In the US, we usually blame people for their lack of success, rather than looking at privilege and access to opportunities. For example, being born into a family in which a certain access is already established, like show business, makes establishing an acting career much easier. We often see children of famous writers getting writing contracts at fairly young ages, and so on.

A business professor looked around the class and told us that only ten percent of us would have successful businesses, not because we didn’t get good grades or couldn’t do accounting or anything like that, but because business was fundamentally dealing with people day in and day out. He said many people aren’t good at communicating, and having good people skills was one of the most important things for success in business. How often are people skills taught in school?

I know a dentist who wanted to be a pro baseball player, but he couldn’t run very fast no matter how many miles he logged, how much he worked out, and how hard he tried. He said it was devastating to have to give up that dream. It was a turning point in his life not only to have to work towards another career, but to also find out what he was like when he was thwarted. He said dealing with that disappointment was the single most important experience of his life. He had to figure out who he was when things didn’t go his way. And as he later found out, no matter how competent you are, things often don’t go the way you would like and expect.Continue reading→

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Navigating Through Mayhem

How do we navigate a time period in which cruelty has become commonplace, and we are sensitive to everything around us, including other people’s feelings as well as our own?

Many of us are grieving the loss of the kind of world/country/life we thought we could have. Not that we already had it, but we had hope that someday we would. That we would have leaders that cared about us, all of us, people of color, every gender, age, sexuality, religion, all living creatures, and especially our planet.

You are not alone. Many caring people feel as you do. Those who pay attention to racism, sexism, prejudice, politics, natural disasters, climate change warnings, and other current events, have been facing enormous personal and collective grief, which includes, fear, dread, sorrow, anger, frustration, feelings of hopelessness, and the grim specter of the end of human doings.

Many of us are not at our best under stress, and this is a time of extreme stress. It is many times worse if we are sensitive. If our hearts are open and we feel the collective pain on the planet, right now it may be debilitating. Maybe we are going through the motions of living while wondering why we should care about regular, everyday tasks when humanity may not make it past the next 50 years. Maybe we have been so angry, sad, and fearful that we can barely sleep. And this takes a toll on our bodies. We may be experiencing strange aches and pains, and reacting to things that normally don’t bother us. Even when we turn off the news, and try to pretend things aren’t going badly, our bodies may let us know how we really feel about current events. Being around those who support and encourage us, who deeply value connection rather than separation, may be vital during this time.Continue reading→

Uncover The Sun

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My Friend

I lost a friend again yesterday.

I say again, because I originally lost her when we were 12 years old. She was one of those kids who never had an awkward phase, never looked clumsy or gangly, but was always stunning. I remember seeing her baby pictures on the wall of her mom’s apartment and marveling at her beauty as a newborn. I watched people take a deep breath when they first saw her, and then stare as if they couldn’t help themselves. Sometimes they couldn’t even talk.

When we first met in school, we were nine years old, and I was both skinny and gawky. I trailed along after her like a grateful puppy. She was smart, creative, and had a deep belly laugh that made you want to join in, even when you weren’t sure why she was laughing.

She was the kind of friend that was not only fun, but easy to talk to. We did art projects and ran around outside. We had far ranging conversations about life and death and why some people are popular and some aren’t. We wrote a poem called, “What is it Like to Die?” and other less serious ones. We wrote stories together and could tell each other anything.

We were almost ten years old when she told me that one of her parents’ friends had climbed into bed with her at a party. I didn’t really know what it meant, or why an adult would do that. I didn’t know about inappropriate touching, only that my friend was constantly being gawked at by boys and men, and now she was telling me something I didn’t understand. “Why did he do that?” I asked.

She told me that he was probably drunk, and it wasn’t the first time someone had acted like that with her. I had no idea what to say, but she looked okay while she was telling me, not particularly upset or angry. I asked her if her parents knew, but she said they were drunk and there was no one to tell. I didn’t realize then that she was already resigned to that sort of behavior. I did have a fleeting thought that I was glad I wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that kind of thing could happen to anyone, pretty or not.Continue reading→

Uncover the Sun

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Being Sensitive

Maybe you’ve been to a doctor’s office and were told that despite your symptoms, there’s nothing wrong with you and therefore, it’s all in your head. And by the time your ailment shows up on a test, it’s become much more serious.

Maybe you avoid stores with strong scents, and you avoid going to concerts or the theater, because people wearing cologne or perfume make you nauseous. And you get tired of explaining to friends why you won’t go to concerts with them; loud noise gives you a headache and wearing earplugs all of the time isn’t fun.

I use the word “sensitive” to describe someone who perceives at a heightened rate, feels things deeply, and notices or experiences energy, emotion, and sensations that others may not. Many of us are sensitive on different levels and to different stimuli, and that may even vary one day to the next.

Physically sensitive individuals may: experience extreme side effects when taking medicine, and in fact may respond better to wholistic medicine like naturopathic, homeopathic, energy work, or acupuncture. They may have food allergies, react poorly to changes in the environment, and notice the effects of pesticides, Wifi, perfumes, and pollutants. They may be able to discern between scents easily, and startle easily at sudden sounds.

Sensitive folks may respond badly to being touched, even casually, by people they don’t know. They may dislike labels on their clothing and complain about rough seams. They may feel pain more quickly and intensely than the average person. They also may be highly attuned to their bodies and feel sensations at subtle levels that most people aren’t even aware is possible, like feeling the coursing of blood though their veins, micro movements of fascia and ligaments, etc. They may discern shifts of energy with their hands.
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Uncover the Sun

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Welcome!

In this blog, I will be exploring different facets of being a sensitive, spiritually-oriented person in a culture that cares more about money than people.  It can be difficult when your deepest, heartfelt values do not match the general population’s, however, there are others out there that have similar concerns.

I welcome your input, and will be taking suggestions for topics, as well as answering questions you may have.

In order to be a happy, fulfilled human being, there are certain experiences and qualities that come in handy, like having your basic necessities covered, living in safety, being with kind and compassionate folks, and having a good sense of humor.

Face it, being human is pretty absurd.  We have these big brains and still haven’t figured out how to live together peacefully. Being able to laugh at ourselves lightens things up. And for those of us with sensitive nervous systems, and who tend toward empathy, a bit of lightheartedness may soothe our souls.

To be aware, joyful, and kind, we don’t need to eat perfectly, avoid all sugar, and meditate every day. We may or may not have a consistent, formal spiritual practice. Sitting quietly and checking in with yourself regularly to see how you’re feeling and what you need, can be really helpful. I sit silently sometimes when I feel the urge, but most of the time I live in an open, playful state of relaxed optimism. Or, as my youngest daughter used to say, back when she was alive, “you’re freakishly happy for no reason.”

Yes, my youngest daughter died at the age of 23. And despite terrible grief, I still manage to experience joy as well. How? Like a kid, by feeling everything as deeply and as thoroughly as possible, while still understanding that we humans are not merely our feelings. We are more than what has happened to us, what others may think of us, or even how we perceive ourselves. And after a loss we discover that love continues even after death.

Most of us are intimately acquainted with fear, sorrow, anger, frustration, disappointment, loss, jealousy, and numerous other emotions. The trick is not to  judge yourself or others for having feelings. You might think of them as indicators that you need to pay extra attention to some part of yourself. And most of us respond better to kindness and acceptance rather than condemnation. It’s also helpful not to throw your feelings around all over other people, or to hold onto them for too long. Not easy to do, and we all have varying degrees of success at this.

Maybe we don’t need to achieve perfection, or even a formal idea of enlightenment, but more a state of loving kindness for ourselves and others, as much as possible in this little human form. If we embrace being human in the absolute sense of what that means, flawed, annoying, foolish, quirky, creative, mortal, amazing, and all the rest, we may find out it’s actually kind of cool. And if we are kinder to ourselves, we will find more comfort when life is painful, which it will be at times, no matter how spiritually or emotionally adept we are. Continue reading→